Paraquatsi!

Difficult not to give the plot away here but the likelihood of Night of the Crabs ever being produced is slimmer Stephen Merchant's cock. However, if it should be produced, please look away now as this song is plot, Plot, PLOT! Basically Cliff comes up with a plan to pour corrosive chemicals out of a helicopter and onto the marauding crabs (and onto the Welsh countryside). Bear in mind the book was written in the late 70s before we new that pouring poisons onto land and sea was a bad thing to do! Be thankful we live in more enlightened times. And pray god we never have to face an army of giant crabs!

This is my friend Gwen's favourite song. From the musical, not of all time. She's not mad!


I don't want a swollen head,
But I've an idea to make crabs dead,
The inspiration though was Pat,
Let's be very clear on that,
Whilst glancing through the Daily Mail,
A headline made her go quite pale,
A kiddie drank some paraquat,
Thinking that his squash was flat,
Sad to say the kiddie died,
But if that same poison was applied,
To Crustacean regicide,
Wouldn't that be justified,

Poison, airborne poison,
Destroys 'em,
Utterly destroys 'em,
Look and see them running scared,
Absolutely unprepared,
For poison, airborne poison,

(spoken) "Look, the bastards are running away!"

Poison, airborne poison,
Destroys 'em,
Utterly destroys 'em,
Look and see them running scared,
Absolutely unprepared,
For poison, airborne poison,