Get me back on my knees again

Gonna tell you a story about a man named John,
Camp old nonsense like a "Carry On",
A much better painter than Paul Simenon,
But sagging like wet dough,
Self-absorbed like a shop-soiled Tampax,
As grey and distance as a telescope with cataracts,
Keep your bum-bags but ditch your anoraks,
Feed him beer, watch him go,

Now I'm defeated babe,
Get me back on my knees again,

Gonna lend you some money, buy up your goodwill,
Cause he has more money that you ever will,
Has a gun in his pocket and fingers in the till,
And a ring on every finger,
His eyes are hollow and his lips are full,
Skin like savlon, hair like wool,
Been nailed more times than a Papal Bull,
Did I mention he's a singer,

Now I'm defeated babe,
Get me back on my knees again,

A modern fantasist, like a tumour on a tin-can,
Arrivest archivist; post-modern bin-man,
Flash Harry in a dirty mac,
Lock up the doubters, Johnny's back,